The years following a loss are unexpected and confusing. That is perhaps the understatement of the year, but in sitting here and attempting to summarize them, that is the best that I can do. At this point, a part of me wanted to be able to say “I changed the world for her.” Because in… Continue reading The Forever Feeling
He’s here now. You can’t see him, because, well, he is now part of me. He clings to my back with arms wrapped around my neck—not in a chokehold—but rather a tight embrace. The embrace is a warning, though, that it could easily become a choke. I wonder why he chose me and if he’ll… Continue reading Roommates
Almost exactly a year ago, I sat at the foot of your couch massaging your feet. You always told me I had a very special way of massaging the perfect pressure points that no one else could seem to match. I assumed you were Mami-how-do-you-make-pancakes-ing me, but I was happy to play along. Your feet… Continue reading Lesson 33: How to Achieve Your Happily Ever After
Mother’s Day approaching has felt a little like a ticking bomb that may or may not detonate. My guess has been as good as yours as to my reaction. My instincts, right now, tell me to tell you to love your mother more. Hug her more. Take pictures. Share stories. I think that it… Continue reading Lesson 31: You ARE the architect of your own destiny.
I had wanted a short winter. I spent many nights with my eyes clenched shut before falling asleep–as a child does when they’re trying to tell themselves there is no monster under the bed. Throughout August and early September I’d do this, intending to ask the powers that be for something profound, but feeling at… Continue reading Lesson 29: It’s Okay to Bloom, Little Ones.
There’s this word… It conjures fear in my depths that no other word can do. It rattles my soul, and yet, for fear of saying it… I am still unable to avoid it. I still don’t say it. I think I did, once… with a stutter. It felt cold. My mouth didn’t quite know how… Continue reading Semantics
Dear Cancer, I hate you. If you could only see the beast you’ve made of me I held it in but now it seems you’ve set it running free The above song, Howl, played in my ear this morning as I set off on a rather unexpected jog. The quoted lyrics resonated within me as… Continue reading Lesson 28: Love, love, love.