The years following a loss are unexpected and confusing. That is perhaps the understatement of the year, but in sitting here and attempting to summarize them, that is the best that I can do. At this point, a part of me wanted to be able to say “I changed the world for her.” Because in… Continue reading The Forever Feeling
He’s here now. You can’t see him, because, well, he is now part of me. He clings to my back with arms wrapped around my neck—not in a chokehold—but rather a tight embrace. The embrace is a warning, though, that it could easily become a choke. I wonder why he chose me and if he’ll… Continue reading Roommates
Dear GB, Dear Mami, I decided to do a hybrid blog to both of you because the two of you share this quality of spaces in my heart that I didn’t know I had, until I had them. I’m sorry it has been so long since I’ve written. I’m sorry Mami that my Lessons from… Continue reading Lessons from my Mom and Son/#34-infinity
I will still be posting here, and will as always keep this as strictly a memorial blog for my beautiful mom. In fact, I have been wanting to update on her past birthday spent with family. Until then, I am sharing with you a new part of my life that will be documented here: http://hellogb.wordpress.com/2014/09/25/first-comes-love/… Continue reading Something a little different
Almost exactly a year ago, I sat at the foot of your couch massaging your feet. You always told me I had a very special way of massaging the perfect pressure points that no one else could seem to match. I assumed you were Mami-how-do-you-make-pancakes-ing me, but I was happy to play along. Your feet… Continue reading Lesson 33: How to Achieve Your Happily Ever After
As daughters, we all developed a very special and individual relationship with my mom. Settie, for example, had a strong friendship with her, unlike the rest of us. Perhaps that stemmed from being the oldest and having a birth-order responsibility to look after us. Whatever the case, it was so unique to her and Mami,… Continue reading Lesson 32: You may not realize it, but she is the strongest one.
Is it the human condition to constantly look ahead without grounding themselves in the present? I read a quote today:
“Even if you fall flat on your face, you’re still moving forward.” –Victor Kiam.
I smiled when I read it. I’ve recently acknowledged the fear within myself of failing, causing a stagnation that results in an instant forfeit. That isn’t unique to me, though, I simply muse on it, maybe more than others. This creates a glaring lag in time, while simultaneously speeding it up, so that your perception is that you can never complete what you aim to do, but instead, are constantly waiting for a better opportunity to do it.
I don’t know the answer to how we avoid this or if it is worth it to avoid. I do know that a daily, conscious appreciation for where you are and what small (or big) pleasures we find in unexpected moments, is better than a lifetime of looking to fix our inadequacies.